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Week 2: Kurt Reporting To Sequin-Studded Army To Dance Jive

Kurt Warner continued his charming takeover of Dancing With The Stars. This week, according to judge Carrie Ann Inaba, he channeled the crazy uncle at a wedding that drinks too much and proceeds to get his dance on, and get it on well.

Warner and his partner Anna were charged with dancing the jive to Kenny Loggins "Danger Zone." It was better than expected. Kurt showed surprisingly light feet and enough competitive fire to submit to a ballroom mandatory spray-tan. Clearly inspired by HSN's "Bedazzle-Your-Fatigues segment, Top Gun with a side of Dolly Parton," Kurt managed to look somewhat manly in a gold sequin-encrusted army green poly-blend shirt while Anna looked smoking hot okay in her bedazzled hot-pants, with strategically placed dog-tags.

Kurt's jive got good reviews from all judges, including that crusty old English one. Carrie Ann was giggly and slobbery, Len proclaimed he went "from the doghouse to the penthouse" and Bruno jabbered about the size of Kurt's hands. Sevens across the board for a 21, which put them in the middle of the pack.

As for the rest of the competition, looks like Jennifer Grey's new nose and its little blond boy-toy is there for the long-haul, Brandy regressed, and the chubby Disney kid did well, and henceforth will be referred to as The Round Mound of Ballroom.

Rick Fox flashed his guns and blinding teeth, setting a precedent that will be used next week, I'm sure. Bristol Palin's mommy made an appearance with standard glasses and bump-it in the hair. The girl from pseudo-show The Hills is much too young to have that much botox, so I can't explain her face. And Mrs. Brady flipped off the camera. She is fantastic.

Best guess is that Michael Bolton -- not Office Space Michael -- who appeared to contact swine flu this week, will be voted off.