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Oh Kurt, Your Foxtrot Brightens A Rainy Day

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Once upon a time, there was a charming quarterback with a winning grin and hands the size of frying pans. This quarterback retired from his day job, leaving his team in shambles the capable hands of Matt Leinart Derek Anderson Max Hall and went on to more fame and spray tans fortune on an overly dramatic dance show starring marginally famous people.

Now, you're caught up. Week 3 of DWTS -- now, thankfully, minus the corpse of Michael Bolton and life-size plastic version of The Hoff -- features our intrepid "stars" attempting the foxtrot and samba, luckily not at the same time. Also, this was "story" week, so prop usage was encouraged (insert your own joke here).

Kurt and that angry Russian his dance partner, Anna, danced the foxtrot, which is pretty much a waltz with a different name. More after the jump, kiddies.

First off, Anna can sure wear the hell out of pink. That is amazing; she deserves a red-headed hall of fame nomination. Kurt's suit actually fit and didn't look like my mom made it out of curtains, so extra points to the costume department. Before that, Kurt had to have an adorable tea party with his adorable little girls, while wearing a pretty fancy tiara. This was to get him in the right frame of mind for the delicate foxtrot. But I digress.

The "story" they portrayed was Anna as a sad, angry Russian and Kurt as a happy-go-lucky guy (I know, seems like a stretch for both of them). There was fake rain, an umbrella and a London phone booth, then they danced. Personally was hoping for more Casablanca and unfortunately, it was more Lifetime movie, but the judges were very complimentary, and gave Kurt and Anna a 23 out of 30.

As for the rest of the smucks:

  • Jennifer Grey continued to kick ass, channeling "Sexy Mistress of Courgartown's Academy of Dance" according to Bruno, even while wearing hideous fringed pajama pants. Bravo, Jennifer.
  • Ms. Brady was all Maria to her dance partner's Hair Club for Men's Christopher Plummer. Also, if you vote against her, you hate her late husband and their happy times together, so think long and hard about that.
  • Margart Cho: love the headgear, love the thigh tattoo of the derringer in a garter, love Louis' incredibly flexible hips, but the actual dance? ugh.
  • Audrina and Tony. Surprising depth of feeling from someone who has the same expression on her face ... always. Admit it was good dance. Oh, how that pains me.
  • Dear Bristol Palin and partner, how is being accosted by a homeless person, then agreeing to dance with him while wearing a white version of the hideous lavender get-up you wore the week earlier a good idea? It's not. You are lucky your mommy's sycophants fans are gonna come though on the voting for you.
  • Max, was doubting the tough love approach with Brandy. But it appeared to work. However, you pissed off Len so much, the rest of the dancers had to suffer his wrath.
  • The Round Mound of Ballroom and his glitter sweater vest managed to surprise again. This kid will be a challenge to Kurt in the charming department.
  • The Situation. That was terrible. But the costume department managed to work in a see-through shirt, so that's three-for-three.
  • Rick Fox, you are a giant. A giant slightly-less-hairy Tom Selleck wearing sans-belt cream slacks with matching cream shoes.