After just five weeks, there are no undefeated teams remaining in the NFL. But it's not just that. The participants in last year's Super Bowl have put together uninspired performance after uninspired performance while some favorites (Vikings and Cowboys) are slipping badly.
Parity. Catch the fever.
As always, these power rankings are completely accurate based on a scientific formula that has something to do with science and elements. Primarily arsenic.
(1) New York Jets (4-1) - Rain, sleet or snow, it looks like the Jets are going to come up with plays to win games. Now that Santonio Holmes is back from suspension, Mr. Steamy Latin Looks has another weapon at his disposal. (LW: 1)
(2) Baltimore Ravens (4-1) - The defense hasn't surrendered more than 17 points this year and Joe Flacco has strung together three straight solid games. This week's visit to New England should be a hell of a game. (LW: 3)
(3) Pittsburgh Steelers (3-1) - Going into Week 6, Pittsburgh has the NFL's worst passing attack. Oh, they get Ben Roethlisberger back this week. I assume that will be fixed. (LW: 2)
(4) New England Patriots (3-1) - Goodbye, Randy Moss, hello Super Bowl XXXIX MVP Deion Branch. I don't think Brady/Branch will have any problem finding the chemistry from a partnership that was broken up solely over a contract dispute. (LW: 5)
(5) Atlanta Falcons (4-1) - Is this really the best team in the NFC? Is that a compliment right now? Their lone loss this season was in overtime to the Steelers and though Matt Ryan hasn't exactly been electrifying, Atlanta has the league's second best running game. (LW: 7)
(6) New Orleans Saints (3-2) - Frankly, I figured that after New Orleans struggled with the Panthers at home, they'd get it together and throttle the Cardinals. I'm not complaining that they didn't, but the Saints need to get healthy. Chris Ivory and Ladell Betts <<< Reggie Bush and Pierre Thomas. (LW: 4)
(7) Green Bay Packers (3-2) - Everyone's darling pick in the NFC has suddenly morphed into the Blazers of the NFL. Ryan Grant is already gone for the season and now Jermichael Finley is out a few weeks and Aaron Rodgers has a concussion that could keep him out Sunday. The offense is still explosive, but they need some luck here. (LW: 6)
(8) Chicago Bears (4-1) - Jay Cutler better get back quick because I don't know how many more six completion, four interception games from Todd Collins this team can survive. They won't get to play the Panthers every week. (LW: 9)
(9) Houston Texans (3-2) - I'd rank them lower if they hadn't beaten the Colts in Week 1. However, if they're going to keep getting clowned by NFC East teams at home then Texans fans may never get to see that first playoff appearance. (LW: 8)
(10) Indianapolis Colts (3-2) - On the heels of a last-second loss to Jacksonville, I can't imagine I was alone in expecting the Colts to blast the Chiefs at home. Well, they didn't. Is Indy slowing down a bit or is it just early? Better question: does Jim Caldwell know where he is? (LW: 10)
(11) Kansas City Chiefs (3-1) - Though they lost, a tough performance against Indy indicated to me that KC will probably be in the playoff hunt for the entirety of the season. Following a failed onside kick to open the game, I think my Chiefs fan buddy Paul wants Todd Haley dead. (LW: 11)
(12) Washington Redskins (3-2) - Beating Green Bay and Philly in back-to-back weeks is pretty solid for the 'Skins. I'd give them a chance to win against the Colts on Sunday Night, but I think NBC has it in the contract that Peyton Manning must win all SNF games in which he appears. (LW: 13)
(13) Tennessee Titans (3-2) - They've now got road wins in Dallas and New York to pair with home losses to Denver and Pittsburgh. The coming Monday Night Football game with Jacksonville might be the least anticipated MNF game in the history of my home. (LW: 17)
(14) New York Giants (3-2) - Two weeks ago this team looked completely lost after getting drilled at home by the Titans. Suddenly they physically dominated the Bears and followed that up with a road pounding of the Texans. Detroit at home this week is a take care of business kind of game. (LW: 15)
(15) Philadelphia Eagles (3-2) - The best win on their schedule is on the road in Jacksonville. This week, Atlanta comes calling. Will it be Vick or Kolb? Does it matter against the hot Falcons? (LW: 14)
(16) San Diego Chargers (2-3) - This offense is absolutely awesome and the defense isn't terrible; the problem is that the Bolts have pretty much the worst special teams in recent memory. A couple of blocked punts surrendered against the Raiders were the latest calamity. (LW: 12)
(17) Miami Dolphins (2-2) - I really do think this is a pretty good team. What's unfortunate for them is that after a 2-0 start, they played the Jets and Patriots and now play Green Bay, Pittsburgh, and Baltimore in the next four weeks. That's a tough schedule. (LW: 19)
(18) Jacksonville Jaguars (3-2) - Do Jaguars games happen? Like, are they a real thing? While watching the Direct TV Redzone Channel, I'm convinced Andrew Siciliano is telling me the Jaguars are playing, but I swear I must just blackout when they show the highlights. David Garrard is exactly as dynamic as the NBA's Joe Smith. (LW: 20)
(19) Arizona Cardinals (3-2) - The Cardinals were just the second team in NFL history to score 30 points without a rushing or passing touchdown. Sure, it's unusual, but it's still a win over the defending Super Bowl champs. (LW: 24)
(20) Denver Broncos (2-3) - Kyle Orton has been great for Denver, but they've got the worst rushing offense in the NFL. Is Knowshon Moreno ever going to be healthy again? (LW: 16)
(21) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-1) - I still think these guys suck, but they are 3-1, so I suppose I have to give them a bit of respect. Just kidding. New Orleans visits the pirate ship this week and if Tampa can win that one, I'll bump them up about six slots. (LW: 23)
(22) Minnesota Vikings (1-3) - Minnesota is 1-3 and their schedule doesn't look to get any easier. But the wins are going to start piling up at some point. (LW: 21)
(23) Cincinnati Bengals (2-3) - This team has lost to the Browns and Bucs in the last two weeks. If mistake prone Carson Palmer wasn't the quarterback, they'd probably be sitting at 4-1. You think they'd turn the show over to the backup, who just happens to be Palmer's brother, Jordan? (LW: 22)
(24) Dallas Cowboys (1-3) - If Biff Tannen could have a word with the 2010 Dallas Cowboys, I'm pretty sure he'd say something to the effect of "Hello? McFly!" You know, or something like that. While I am delighting in their early season struggles, I don't see how all this talent can continue to lose. (LW: 18)
(25) Oakland Raiders (2-3) - Remember last week when I said that eventually the Raiders were going to beat someone they shouldn't? Well ... eat that, San Diego. I'd like to invite Oakland to extend the Niners' losing streak to six. (LW: 28)
(26) Seattle Seahawks (2-2) - If they want to win the NFC West, they're probably going to have to win a road game. A visit to Chicago beckons this week and fortunately, it's not cold enough for Matt Hasselbeck's back to seize up yet. (LW: 24)
(27) St. Louis Rams (2-3) - St. Louis lost big to the winless Lions and lost Mark Clayton -- Sam Bradford's security blanket -- for the season. Wouldn't be surprised to see this unravel. (LW: 24)
(28) Detroit Lions (1-4) - Shaun Hill has thrown for 1,219 yards in just over four games and Alfonso Smith does the Carlton dance unlike any cornerback in the NFL today. Winning looked like fun for Detroit, but a game on the road against the Giants will probably put them back to just playing close. (LW: 30)
(29) Cleveland Browns (1-4) - When Seneca Wallace is in the game for Cleveland, their offense actually has a bit of pop. When Jake Delhomme is in at quarterback, they are exactly as good as you'd expect a team with Pickbot 5000 to be. Due to injuries to both players, we're about to find out what kind of team they are with Colt McCoy at quarterback. (LW: 27)
(30) San Francisco 49ers (0-5) - They are not the 30th best team in the NFL, but I'm having a hard time justifying putting this team above a team that has a win this season. (LW: 29)
(31) Buffalo Bills (0-5) - Well, they hung tight for three quarters, something that gives them a tremendous leg up on the pathetic Panthers this week. (LW: 32)
(32) Carolina Panthers (0-5) - After a week off, I'd like to formally invite the Panthers back to last place on the power rankings. Desperate John Fox is going to ruin Jimmy Clausen's confidence by pulling him from games. If you go with the rookie, stay with him. (LW: 31)