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DWTS Week 2: Kurt Warner Is Safe On Strength Of His Jive

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Don’t you worry -- Kurt is safe to wear cheaply-made dance clothes accessorized with sequins for another week. Whew.

Kurt Warner and his partner Anna Trebunskaya made the cut in week two. I guess their Top Gun-esque jive was enough to convince America they deserved to come back.

And since I’m positive none of you actually watched the results show, because it’s a complete waste of time it’s about an hour too long, here’s the fast-forward recap:

Brandy plays mind games with her partner Max, making him remember the Erin Andrews days fondly. Then tiny fireplug Janel Monet comes out and sings wearing great black and white tuxedo shoes.

They drag Sarah Palin into the thing. (Side note: Bristol’s more virtuous outfit was just plain ugly; it’s like the costume department was mocking her. Plus, it had real bike shorts underneath it, the same bike shorts you see middle-aged men sport on Saturday morning at Starbucks after their 30-mile ride.)

Then Seal sang. There was a instrumental interlude with dancers running around, more dramatic music and trotting celebrity dancers out to be humiliated. The Situation convinces you he’s exactly as smart as you suspected. Oh, and America hates you Michael Bolton, please pack your doghouse up and go home.

The End.