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Kurt Warner Charms, Stays To Dance Another Week

Yet again the hopes of Cardinals fans fell upon Kurt Warner, and yet again he delivered. Make you nostalgic for when he actually played football? Us, too. But instead, Kurt was dancing on a silly television show rather than leading the Cards on the gridiron.

Warner made it through Week 1, scoring a win for beleaguered, trying-not-to-panic Cards fans everywhere. Plowing through the bloated results show, which featured Santana playing guitar with Chris Daughtry and India.Arie while accompanied by scantily-clad professional dancers who made a mockery of the contestants' pathetic attempts at dancing the previous night. Santana even admitted Kurt was his favorite, "He's got the rhythm and he's got the flow." Right on.

In the midst of all that drivel, there is one shot of Warner laying a perfectly placed pass in David Hasselhoff's arms. Why do you tease us, Kurt? Derek Anderson attempted that same pass and ran The Hoss directly into the catering truck, causing his mostly-man-made-material face to shatter into tiny shards.

After 55 minutes of dramatic music, flashing lights and inopportune commercial breaks, we find out Kurt is safe and David Hasselhoff is going home. Germany and Dirk Nowitzki's bitter tears flow.