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Lon Babby Army Being Constructed In Phoenix

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NBA player agent Lon Babby, who is rumored to be the frontrunner for the Phoenix Suns' vacant general manager position, is accumulating an army of players he represents.

With the news that current client Hedo Turkoglu and former client Josh Childress are on their way to the Valley, the first steps in what Babby calls "the creation of Babby-lon" are being undertaken.

"It has long been a dream of mine," Babby recited with gusto in front of a mirror in his bathroom, with his chin turned slightly upward in a gallant and heroic fashion, "to assemble perhaps the most powerful army of NBA players ever gathered on one team.

"[Grant] Hill. Turkoglu. Childress. [Tim] Duncan. [Thaddeus] Young. [Shane] Battier. [Ray] Allen. To a lesser degree, [Luke] Walton. They will form an NBA team the likes of which this league has not seen since last season," Babby proclaimed with great vigor. "I take it back. Perhaps not Walton. If a beer bong ends up being required for this endeavor, then yes, Walton shall perhaps take part."

It was unknown how Babby intended to bring together all of his clients given the difficulty of successfully navigating the league's current Collective Bargaining Agreement.

"Once my army is assembled and I am officially pronounced General Manager of the Phoenix Suns, we will march upon the opposition and destroy them, including their children, grandparents, household pets and neighbors. We shall impale their dead upon towering spires and pillage their towns until even their plague-ridden rodents belong to us. Our victory shall be unquestioned and complete."

Babby then, with a prideful gait, put on his pants and got to making the coffee before his wife woke up angry at him again and nagged him about picking the kids up for school, completely ruining his gregarious mood.

WARNING: This post was total make-believe. The quotes aren't real. If you needed to read this to figure that out, then you need to go back to Internet humor school. Thx. - MGT