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Cardinals Guard Lutui Skips Offseason Workouts, Opts For Fatty Boombalatty Diet

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Now that Arizona Cardinals guard Deuce Lutui has finally signed his tender offer, he has reported to training camp weighing in at a rumored 396 pounds.

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Although Arizona strength and conditioning coach John Lott is widely known to be among the best trainers in the NFL, Lutui apparently opted for his own specially-designed offseason regimen that may or may not have included included eating an ass-ton of cheeseburgers, regular hamburgers, and burgers covered in other super-awesome toppings only a few people have even heard of, in conjunction with milkshakes whose numbers are estimated to be in the thousands, and a whole lot of doing jack squat.

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Yes, offensive linemen are generally heavier than your average lithe human being, but they still have to be mobile. Unless the Cardinals have allowed their o-line to use those sweet roller-shoes that every little kid loved a couple years ago, Lutui’s going to have to drop a few ell-bees and quickly or he’ll be watching a lot of games from the sidelines.