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Cardinals Guard Lutui Skips Offseason Workouts, Opts For Fatty Boombalatty Diet

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Now that Arizona Cardinals guard Deuce Lutui has finally signed his tender offer, he has reported to training camp weighing in at a rumored 396 pounds.


Although Arizona strength and conditioning coach John Lott is widely known to be among the best trainers in the NFL, Lutui apparently opted for his own specially-designed offseason regimen that may or may not have included included eating an ass-ton of cheeseburgers, regular hamburgers, and burgers covered in other super-awesome toppings only a few people have even heard of, in conjunction with milkshakes whose numbers are estimated to be in the thousands, and a whole lot of doing jack squat.


Yes, offensive linemen are generally heavier than your average lithe human being, but they still have to be mobile. Unless the Cardinals have allowed their o-line to use those sweet roller-shoes that every little kid loved a couple years ago, Lutui’s going to have to drop a few ell-bees and quickly or he’ll be watching a lot of games from the sidelines.