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Yo Fans, Get Your Act Together!

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I can't stand morons in the stands.

For this column I am naming myself the Crowd Critic.

I just got home from the Yankees-Diamondbacks game, and what I witnessed at Chase Field tonight was a disgrace. Full disclosure: I am a Yankees fan, but Yanks fans and Diamondbacks fans will both be targets.

Here's a list of fan rules that were broken last night:

  • Show up on time. First person getting criticized is myself. I get a huge demerit for missing the first half-inning and NY taking a 1-0 lead. I was too busy at Sliders making sure I had a buzz going before I had to spend $9 on a beer. If you're going to watch your team play, be in the freaking stadium for the beginning of the game. 
  • Pick ONE team. Watching the crowd through 10 innings was hysterical. In my section, there was about a 50/50 split of Yankees and Diamondbacks fans, but it was difficult to tell the split throughout the entire stadium. Every time a team scored, the place got loud and looked like everyone was cheering. I am 100 percent convinced there were people at the game rooting for both teams. 
  • Fan Rule No. 1. This against rule 1 of being a fan, you are only allowed to have one team per league. If you root for the Yankees, you are not allowed to like the Mets, Diamondbacks, or any other team in MLB. I saw this rule getting broken in a ballpark with people going crazy for both teams -- disgrace. My dad is a breaker of this rule. He calls himself a "New York" fan. He roots for the Mets and Yankees, the Jets and Giants, and the Rangers, Devils, and Islanders. Dad can't stand basketball no matter how much I try and shove it down his throat. I bust his balls about the multiple team issue at all times, he has came close to punching me in the face for it.   

A.D.D. moment...I am writing this sitting on my couch watching America's Game for the 1983 Los Angeles Raiders on NFL Network. If you are a NFL fan, these documentaries are must see; they are fantastic.

  • Pay Attention. Fans at a games need to pay attention to what is going on. There were numerous Yankees fans that cared more about getting the crowd to cheer and stand up than actually watching the game. These clowns had their backs to the field. What are you cheering for if you have no idea what is going on?
  • No signs. No gloves. Man-up. If you're a grown man (from the time you start to enjoy looking at Playboy on), don't bring a sign or glove to a baseball game. Signs are for kids and it is more honorable to get hit in the face with a foul ball and get carried out on a stretcher than it is to catch a ball with a glove.
  • Man-the-Eff-up! Speaking of signs, I saw a Diamondbacks fan (had to be between 23 and 27, so according to the rule above, he was a tool) holding one and the Yankees fan sitting three seats to the left of him grabbed it then tore it to shreds. I thought it was hysterical, but the D-backs fan just sat and accepted it. I have never got into a fight at a baseball game and do not condone fighting, but if that happens to me, I'm dropping a Randy Savage flying elbow.
  • Cheer for your team. The Diamondbacks fans at the game did not start one cheer themselves. Every time they got loud it was in response to Yankees fans getting going. Biggest series of the season for the D-backs and the fans didn't stand up to cheer once when a Yankees batter had two strikes on him. It's almost like the majority of the people who attend the games don't know the game of baseball.
  • Understand the game. I tried to talk strategy with a couple of people around me and they were completely lost. When the D-backs got second and third in the 10th with the Yanks up one run, someone needed to explain to the guy in the Dan Haren jersey in front of me how a single would win the game because both runs would score. He originally though a single would tie the game.

Another A.D.D moment.  Lawrence Taylor case got transferred to Rockland County -- that is where I grew up. 'Bout time my county got some love!!!!!  Not 100% on this and I couldn't find it anywhere, but the LT case will be in Ramapo or New City. My high school was in New City and I used to play basketball in Ramapo. 


To keep this from going Isner-Mahut at Wimbledon, I'm going to wrap this up. Next week I'll be back talking some Suns, which I was planning to do tonight. This is what a couple beers does to you.