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DWTS Week 7: The Results Are In, Kurt To Dance Around For Another Week

On election night, America looked at Kurt, then at Rick Fox, then back at Kurt and decided the Lakers suck. Take that, L.A. Rick, take your giant suave teeth and go home. The good sadly realistic news is that Kurt continues to star on a bloated reality show while Cardinals fans fall deeper into the pit of quarterback despair (whisper that last part).

These results shows are a special form of torture; this week they dug up Rod Stewart with his signature hair style still intact, trotted out Taylor Swift and attempted to force culture down our prime-time throats with the cast of Mary Poppins. In honor of DWTS 200th show, Kenny Mayne won Best Worst dancer, barely beating out the car-wreck that was/is Kate Gosselin. Unsurprisingly, Kate and her mullet were also up for Most Dramatic Moment, only to be beaten out by a fainting Marie Osmond.

There may be a bit of trouble in paradise for Kurt and Anna -- a bit of bickering backstage, post-performance. Judge Len pointed out that bent knees are not flexed knees; Kurt was all "Anna, you have to tell me these things." Anna replied with an eye roll. Kurt broke down into tears, stone-cold Anna threw a boiled potato at him and instructed him to stop crying like a baby. Kurt pulled himself up by the bootstraps and tried to tell her his story of stocking shelves in a grocery store, to which Anna was "What is this grocery store thing? We stood in line for a crust of moldy bread, which the wolves stole from us on the way home." Okay, that might be made up, but there was some bickering and Anna was having none of it.

Next week, the contestants practice a style of dance and then the night of the show they pull the song they are dancing to out of a hat. This sounds like a complete disaster; I'll be there.