We're not ones to hand out financial advice at SBN Arizona, but we can't help but note we've already bought low on Wrist Slaps, LLC, Tsks Inc., and Bland Platitudes'R'Us at the NCAA Exchange with plans to retire to a nice warm climate by the end of summer.
That's because word has trickled into SBN Arizona HQ that Fiesta Bowl officials will be dragged rather harshly and publicly in front of a nasty tribunal on April 28th in New Orleans to see if they're allowed to stay an NCAA bowl or be forced to revert to their secondary business: the sloppy redirection of cash.
Word had come down last month that the BCS might pull the rug out from under the Fiesta Bowl as a potential championship site (tsk tsk slap blah). That word turned out to be mumbled and perhaps entirely misheard when lots of somebodies pointed out that just about everyone related to the NCAA has taken a junket or three of a similarly opulent nature that the Fiesta Bowl has been accused of hosting.
Not to mention, of course, that even the NCAA's public tongue-lashings have to be held in New Orleans in April. Honestly, do they even remember they have offices in Indianapolis? Expensive ones?
Even if "revelation" after "revelation" beats down and forces the BCS to give the Fiesta BCS slot to Jerry Jones and the Cotton Bowl, there will continue to be a prominent bowl game in Phoenix in January. You see, it's still Phoenix in January and rich college-educated Americans still like to golf. Finally, Glendale has a reasonable market advantage to exploit.
Therefore, we humbly propose the SBN Arizona Grass Bowl. It honors the state's recent tradition of medical marijuana and its longer tradition of pretending growing grass out here is a good idea.
No one on the SBN Arizona staff has yet to take or give a bribe, but we can learn. We have no known political affiliations. We have PayPal accounts. Some of us play golf. Many of us have seen college football games. Heck, we might be overqualified.
Finally, almost none of us have been threatened with felony arrest. (We're sure Scott Howard will pull through with a misdemeanor plea once he proves he was wearing underwear under that poncho.) We couldn't be better positioned to host a bowl game.
And yes, there are laws forbidding individuals from profiting from bowl cash. However, Seth Pollack, our managing editor, had the foresight to incorporate each of us on our first day on the job. Therefore, we're all corporations now with all the rights of people and none of the responsibilities.
Besides, the NCAA and BCS practically have to work with us. As mentioned above, we bought controlling interests in all the methods of pretending to care when wrongs are discovered. They can work with us or they can admit culpability. We might as well start planning the junkets now. First party will be toga-themed so Scott doesn't break parole. Again. See, we're flexible!